Wandering Flame
by Alexiamorana
Summary: 1st pov of a woman seeking Auron's teaching who quickly learns that her world is not as she believes. AurOC. Zanarkand,Spira
1. Beginning

If I owned final fantasy, I would be rich, and I wouldn't need to write fanfictions in order to fantasize. I would make it in the game. and we don't see any ff games with odd fangirl stories, now do we?

the spacing got a bit messed up when this was uploaded. so its not how i wanted it... o well. anyway ENJOY! please...

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In the dark dusky metallic club, up on the dimly lit stage, my brother sang for me. He sang and enraptured the loyal few that saw us every night. Well, it's always night here. No one ever sleeps.

But this night, I would meet the man who would change my life and that of everyone I loved, forever.

I have three brothers. Friends really, but they felt like family. I've lived with Aubrey and Joal since I was 13. Mikel joined a year or so later.We're also a band... Aubrey's lead singer, Joal backup, Mikel drums, and me...well, I'm the best damn guitarist you'll ever lay eyes on.

Oh, lemme give you a visual of me for a moment.

I look like a guy.

Kinda. Longish layered black and brown hair...black pants...plain black shirt under a jacket. No skirts, no dresses. At least not out in public... Sometimes at home.

Aubrey finished screaming into the mic, sliding his hand away gracefully and brushed back the long blonde strands from his face. I slowed down as Mikel drew back, and give one final screech on the strings... And they loved it.

We played one last song.

Hold now; aim is steady

An otherworld awaits you

One thousand years you ready?

The otherworld it takes you...

Then as I looked out at the audience's sedated stares, breathing in the lingering fumes of the measures, I saw him.

The man in red.

_Shit_. _He's getting up. No!... Shit! No, DAMMIT, SIT DOWN!_

The boys saw me looking at someone and Joal nudged me in the rib with his elbow. "Y'ok? Morgan?"

I came out of my daze. I nodded at him, breaking a smile, and retreated backstage. I flung my strap over my shoulder and bolted out the back door. Running through the alley, I came around to the front of the club.

_Where'd-? There!_

I ran for him. He heard my heavy footfalls and halted a few yards away from the front.

"Sir Auron!" I gasped. I bowed deeply, holding the guitar strap to my chest so it wouldn't bash to the ground. I straightened up...seeing his face for the first time as he turned towards me. I've never seen a man with such nobility and resolve ingrained in his features. I had heard of his arrival from another world years ago, but I've never seen him before now. "Sir Auron - If I may...introduce myself." I felt...frightened at that moment. That I would embarrass myself. But I wouldn't let that happen. "Morgan Morana." I bowed again. "I beg your favor."

He gazed at me a moment and reached out to grab my hand. My heart stopped. My breath stuck in my throat. I wouldn't have been surprised if my jaw dropped a bit as he kissed the backside of my hand. He let it drop and I immediately held onto my shoulder strap, afraid my arm would fall off if I wasn't attached to something.

"How may I help you?"

Oh, if I could have screamed to the skies to hear him say that again... Never have my ears burned with such emotion from one man's voice. Pain, anguish, loss, hope...all in one voice.

"I - wish to become your student." I nearly forgot to bow again. I was too busy hearing his words in my mind.

"Student?... Are you skilled?"

"I have tried to teach myself for many years-"

"How old are you?"

"I - I don't really consider that a question to ask a lady, Sir Auron." I looked out at the sky behind him until I managed to add "23."

He grunted and stepped back, turning away.

_Why- no..._

I followed him for a step and went around blocking his path. I bowed deeply. I stared at the ground, his boots, the ground, waiting for him to say yes. It didn't come. He walked around me. I took hold of his sleeve. He didn't like that.

O well.

"Sir Auron, I do not understand why you refuse to accept me." I tried not to sound pleading. "I wish to learn swordsmanship. If I can just prove you, I am resolved that you will find my skills to your favor." I let go of him. He walked away.

-----

I sat in the doorway with Mikel, practicing. He beat on his knees and hummed.

"What happened to you?" I heard Aubrey ask behind me.

I sighed. "I - Sir Auron - he - was at the gig... I asked him to train me."

"He said no?"

I stood, looking out at the docks.

"Babe, if he said no, it's gonna be no. I'll teach you."

While I knew Aubrey was sincere... "You?" I faced him. "You don't want to teach me how to fight."

"True..." he smirked. "I want you in bed."

I laughed. "Never happen. I see you as my brother, you know that. That would be incest. And that...is nasty." I brushed past him into the kitchen where my case rested.

"I don't think so." Joal imputed.

"What? Of course incest-" I tried to reply.

"No. He didn't say no."

_What?_ I turned back to look at the doorway. Mikel was waving at the air. _Not the air...Auron._

"He's right there." Joal added.

I stayed where I was, staring down at my guitar and the walls, trying to find images I had never seen before.

I wanted to learn proper swordsmanship. And after I had heard that the stranger had taken over the dojo...I only became more curious.

At the time I wanted to learn to fight. But...subconsciously...I knew I was yearning for something more.

I bowed when he entered, as did the others. He beckoned me out. I followed. I caught a glimpse of Mikel as I left. His eyebrow was raised as he stared at Auron. I followed Auron out onto the street. He stopped and turned towards me.

"I'll train you. Come to the dojo - Do you own your own blade?"

I nodded.

He gave a quick nod in acknowledgement. "Come when you're ready." As he turned on his heel, I said his name. He turned back to me. _Was he annoyed?_

"What changed your mind?"

He smirked. "I want to see if a woman can beat me. When you do, then you'll have my full respect."


	2. Admittance

ok... chap 2. sorry about he beginning here. I'll fix I eventually. and it will get a bit more exciting! I promise! really, I do... just.. try to enjoy it for now... and PLEASE any suggestions would be WONDERFUL.

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I recall the lessons vividly... Yet not in the brightest of light. The first time I showed, he drew his blade with such ferociousness I was shocked I was able to block him. Blow after blow, my legs grew tired quickly. But my arms stayed put, quicker reflexes than I ever knew I had. He never showed any response to how I was doing, only bowed when he was finished with me. I would return night after night, the only words I heard from him were "Block!" "You're not quick enough!" "Put more muscle into it!" "How do you ever expect to kill someone?"

I didn't plan on killing anyone anytime soon, actually.

Eventually I would come to have the skill I had hoped for. Soon, I would be better than him. But he wouldn't have it. He always found some way to torment me. I would sit to rest for a second before starting up again but he would come from the corner of my eye...like a ghost. Like some being that would suddenly materialize and I'd have to know when he came and the moment to block.

And then, after a month or so, I came to see him as a friend. After lessons, he starting offering me sake, and asking about my career, how I came to know the three boys. Once I think he might have complimented my skills at guitar, but the day was still to come when he would compliment me in fighting. That day came a few weeks later.

We trained on the main floor, sometimes moving into the side hallways for stealth training. But one day, he faced me, sword out to one side. I turned around so he would have to surprise me. I closed my eyes and saw him rush. His overcoat swept out behind him. His knuckles turned white on the grip of the sword. In one movement, he spiraled around, bringing the sword up to my face. I spun on my heel to face him, palm out, and caught his blade in my flesh. I opened my eyes, and saw the blood gushing from my palm, down his blade, to the floor of the dojo. Some streamed to his hands, turning his skin crimson. He pulled the blade back, my hand still stuck out.

I couldn't even think that moment. The pain was excruciating. But as he placed his sword against the wall of the dojo, he came back and took my wrist, pulling me to the back of the building. Then, I realized how good I had become.

"Sit". It felt like his voice was coming from somewhere else. But I sat on a stool beside a small table. It was small room, lined with cabinets, closets...tightly packed. If I hadn't looked around a bit more, I wouldn't have noticed the small staircase in the corner which led up to, I could only assume to be, his rooms.

He pulled out a roll of bandage from a cabinet and knelt before me. He took my hand in his, anything but gently. His grip was tight; he rolled my hand with no mercy. I winced. When he was finished, I'm sure my face had turned the color of his coat. I felt...strong, having a wound I suppose, and I felt...embarrassed. He was my sensei, and I –

"Get out of here"

_What-?_ I was startled. He noticed my reaction to his demand and looked up at me. His features had softened, he had calmed down.

"Forgive me."

"I – Sir Auron-"

"You're very skilled. It won't be long until you've surpassed me." It seemed hard for him to say that...

_Did he just – compliment me?_

"I...thank you." I studied his face. He wasn't looking at me again. He seemed enraptured with the bandage. I dared not move. And I dared not think what his silence might mean...and what it might foreshadow.

Suddenly, he dropped my hand to my lap and stood, departing the back room. I followed seconds later, out to the dojo floor. My blood had pooled and had begun to seep into the tatami. He ignored it and went outside, leaning against the wall beside the doorway. He gazed off into the city. I softly bid him goodnight, cradling my hand...and returned home.

-----

As I pushed open the door to the flat, the guys appeared. Immediately they saw the bandage and Mikel took my hand, asking if I was alright. Aubrey wanted to know what had happened, or if Auron and I had a sadistic romp in the dojo. I whipped off the bandage and slapped him with my blood across the face. I cringed and swept into my room, rebandaging my palm. I attempted to shut the door but Aubrey's arm somehow happened to get stuck against the wall. He pushed against the door, and me, getting into my room. I scowled at him and sat on the bed.

"Hey, sorry, but uh, what happened? Really. You've never come home with something like that before."

The blood had soaked through the bandage already. I'd need a fresh one soon.

"I- " Mikel came in and sat against the wall beside my bed. Joal leaned in the doorway. "Storytime now?" I sighed. "I blocked his sword. My eyes were closed." My voice became amazed as I saw myself doing it again. "I stopped it in midair before my face. I gripped the blade in my palm... I'll be better than him soon."

"I'd say you already were!" Aubrey supported.

I scoffed, looking down at my hand, and up at Joal in the doorway. His placid features calmed me. "No. Not yet...". I stood, stretched, and beckoned them out. Aubrey hesitated but let me be. I shut the door behind them and turned to write at my desk.

A few moments later, Mikel slipped into my room and scurried to sit beside me on my chair.

I turned to look at him. "What are you smiling about, Mikel?"

"You like him."

"Excuse me?" I looked back down at my writings. My hair dangled before my face, obscuring the page.

"Auron. You like him."

"No, Mikel. He is my sensei and -"

"Hey, don't lie to me. Your eyes were glassed over when you came in-"

"Perhaps from the PAIN, Mikel? I don't think you've ever stopped a damn blade in the air before."

He gripped my shoulders and made me face him. His smile was always so bright. I could never help but feel better when I saw him.

"Morgan...if I could, I'd fuck him senseless. But he's not gay, and you've got a thing for him. Don't hide it from me!"

I laughed. "Please don't ever say that again. Good NIGHT, Mikel."

He patted my head and left.

Hours later, Aubrey slammed open the door to my room, pulled me from my seat and shoved something in my hands. It was a letter, a small square fluid screen, with the electronic message in the middle. Audrey was smiling ecstatically; Mikel came jumping into my room, Joal slowly making his way in as well.

"Read it!" Aubrey demanded.

I did. We were asked to perform at the stadium the next night. I was amazed. I tried to respond to the boys, "I-this is- amazing..." We've never performed in the stadium before. This would be our first time.

"Yea, and guess what Joal told us?" Mikel answered his own question. "You can sing."

My features dropped. My lips curled and I took a step forward. Joal was despondent. _Why did he tell them?_ "Joal..."

He bowed for forgiveness.

"I -", the others were expectant, "No." I shook my head. "No. I don't know what he told you, but I refuse. Adamantly." I shoved the message back at Aubrey and left the room. I swept past Joal; he tried to say something to me. Mikel asked if I would still perform. _Of course I would perform_. He wondered if I would at least consider singing. _No._ And I left.

I made my way to the dojo, and was halfway there before I realized where I was headed. I stopped in the street. _Why am I going there?... Because I need to see him_.

I thought about what it meant to perform at the stadium finally. Everyone would see us. Everyone would hear my skills. We would be famous. I couldn't wait.

I became more excited about performing that by the time I had knocked on the sliding door to the dojo and Auron opened it, I couldn't hold on any longer.

I leapt at Auron, embracing him tightly. Then I realized what I was doing. I didn't even know why I had none it, actually. I was happy about the performance. But it was also a subconscious excuse to hold him. I unhanded him and knelt down, bowing forgiveness. My face turned hot. I couldn't look up.

"You seem happy about something, Lady Morgan. Dare tell me what it may be?"

_Well, that was an unexpected response_. I stood, folding my hands before me temporarily. "The boys and I have been invited to play at the stadium. I beg your favor by viewing us tomorrow."

He nodded. "It would be an honor."

I smiled. "Thank you. Please...forgive me again for-"

He waved it aside. "Quite alright. Just don't make it a habit."

I bowed again and departed. A few yards away from the dojo, he called my name. _What can I do for you, Sir Auron?_ I turned around.

He approached me slowly. "Concerning your training... You've excelled at a faster rate than I could have expected. Give me one last fight tomorrow and I'll release you as my student."

"It would have to be after the performance-"

"Very well." He returned to the dojo.

I didn't think that sensei would dismiss their students. _Training goes on forever, does it not? So why is he releasing me?_


	3. Concert

alrighty. chapter 3! now we're getting somewhere...

ok my plans after this story. I'LL BE DOING ONE FROM AURON'S POV. eventually. b/c that's what a fanfic is right? you are fans of auron, not original characters, right?

anywho, please enjoy!

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I could barely contain myself beneath the stadium. The boys were wandering around, pacing a few feet away. Joal sat on the floor; Aubrey would stand and look at me a moment before walking again, and Mikel jumped around like some sort of creature. We were all nervous, happy, our blood pumped and my heart was about to give out on me. The energy was endless. The boys were disappointed in me, but, well...I made up my mind. It would be ok.

I stepped onto a glowing circle in the floor. Slowly, I ascended. My long split coat wavered around me as I went up. I started playing a slow, hard beat. I closed my eyes and continued playing. It was dark when I stopped rising. I stepped out on the floating platform above the sphere, and tried my best to walk around the stage, keeping the fingering moving on the strings. When I finally did open my eyes, the boys were behind me. And we played.

I looked around at the audience. _Amazing_. I managed to find a few that saw us in the clubs, but the others. I couldn't believe it. More than half full, and others still entered as they heard us from the outside.

Between the first few songs, I combed my hair through with my fingers. I hand to keep my hands busy. After the fourth song, we were introduced by some foreign voice. _Silence Flame_. I looked around again, and I saw him.

Making his way down a row, sitting in a corner. He settled and looked up at me. I glanced away, back at the boys. We played another. Our last. After, as they bowed, I approached Aubrey and stole the mic off his collar. I smiled at him.

"Thanks, " I whispered in the mic. "But I have...a surprise to give you all. I was reluctant at first, despising the idea of what I was to do next.

I attached the mic to myself, looking back at the boys. They were shocked, happy, pleased...I mouthed _Hikari_ to them. They didn't know I had written lyrics to this one.

(lyrics from - utada hikaru)

Donna toki datte

Zutto futari de

Donna toki datte

Soba ni iru kara

Kimi to iu hikari ga watashi o mitsukeru

Mayonaka ni

Urusai toori ni haitte

Unmei no kamen o tore

Sakiyomi no shisugi nante imi no nai koto wa yamete

Kyou wa oishii mono o tabeyou yo

Mirai wa zutto saki da yo

Boku ni mo wakaranai

It would be awhile until I realized what those lyrics would come to mean to me. But until that moment, I saw Auron again in the audience, and sang to him.

-----

The boys were out of sight. I walked slowly behind them, and they had gotten away. Off to celebrate at a club, most likely. I was on the long bridge that stretched around the city, thinking to myself, humming the last song. Everyone's breath had been taken away, the boys the most. I hid my voice from them until now. Why? I honestly don't know. Perhaps I was embarrassed.

"Morgan."

I stopped in my tracks, turning around, holding to the rail with my right hand.

Auron approached me. I bowed, responding"I saw you in the stadium. Thank you for coming."

He stopped a few feet from me. _Come closer_. "It was quite a remarkable performance you gave... You've never sung in public before, have you?"

How could he have guessed. My voice had wavered so much I was afraid it would fall out of my throat. "No. I haven't."

"I'm surprised."

"Hah. No. I hate trying to spilt my concentration. Then I feel like I'm failing my guitar..."

"Well, please tell me when you'll perform again." He nodded and continued on.

I stopped him. "Sir Auron, may I please treat you to a drink." _Shit, that was hard to get out. And if he refused, I would kick myself in the ass._

He gave me a slight nod. "All right."

I led him home, stopping before the door. "If you don't mind, I haven't the strength to face groupies."

"Not at all," he stepped in before me. "Groupies?"

I shut the door. "Ah, yes. Uh, I have a following...of women... Seeing as I look like a guy, I suppose they find me cute. I'm not quite sure. And I don't really care. It's not like I respond to them."

"Your brothers?"

"Joal and Aubrey have girls, Mikel...has guys. Just so you know, he is gay."

"I wasn't surprised."

I smiled. "Come." I led him to the counter where he took a stool. I had a keg of sake stashed away under the cabinet along with two small cups. Placing them out, I poured Auron's, and he mine.

"Good," he muttered. "Morgan, thank you for this."

"Of course..."

_Where was this going? _I knew I could have taken him anywhere. I knew several bars where no one went. But I took him home. In the back of my mind I remembered we were supposed to fight, but perhaps he had forgotten for the moment... I hoped the boys wouldn't return for awhile. My heart burned out to him. He was staring into his cup, and I wanted to hold him, something; he just looked like he needed it.

"Sir Auron..." he looked up. "How are you doing? You seem...distracted."

I think this took him aback. "I had another student when you first asked me to train you. Tidus."

"Blitzball Tidus?" _Yes, who else would it be. There's only one kid named Tidus in this city._

"Hmm. That child is horrible."

"I'm sure he can't-"

He glared at me. "He is. I dismissed him."

"And?"

"His father wanted me to train him. I''m not one to give up, but I couldn't waste my time with him. So I took you in. I knew you'd be a bit more exciting."

_Exciting?_ My heart skipped a beat. Surely he only meant I was better skilled and gave him a better workout. _Shit. Don't think of that!_

"Oh, well, I suppose...I could take that as a compliment."

"Do. You're excellent."

He stood. "I must be going."

_Why?_ "Oh...alright. Thank you for coming...to the concert."

He gazed at me as I stepped around the counter. He nodded and took my woulded hand. "I'm surprised you were able to play so well with this."

"I try..."

He took off his glove and took my hand again. Slowly he unbandaged it, never taking his gaze off what he was doing. My breath wouldn't release and I stood numb as I felt his gentle grip unwind the cloth. Finally, he placed the bandage on the counter and looked at my hand, tracing the wound with his thumb. "This is taking longer than I expected. Come with me." _Heavens, yes. Take me anywhere._ He took my hand in his and led me out.

"Where?"

He only looked back at me as we went to the dojo.

I sat on the same stool as before as Auron rummanged for some serum or another. _He just wants an excuse to take your hand again._ Perhaps. _No! He's honest._ My hand did look a bit...just...not how it should look.

He produced some bottle, setting it on the table as he sat across from me and took my wrist tightly. _What happened to the softness I had felt only minutes ago?_ He poured a few drops of the liquid into the wound. _Shit_. I tried not to cringe. He massaged it in, and the redness disappeared along with any other color that shouldn't have existed. He let go and put the bottle away.

"Thanks."

"Just don't play for a few days. And don't wrap it. It needs air." I smiled, nodded, and stood, turning, about to leave when he took my arm again. He whipped me around, whispering a "Forgive me" _to himself?_ and had his lips in mine. He lingered a moment, releasing my arm, and stepped back. My mouth was still open a bit. I could only stare at him. He stepped out, and I grabbed his sleave. "Wait..."

"I won't hurt you, Morgan."

I released him, letting him go.

_Hurt me? How?_

I question myself now if I should have pursued him in the days to come. But I refuse to say no.

-----

I didn't see him for the next few weeks. He didn't call me to the dojo; the boys even went there - against my will - and tried to find him. They asked me what had happened; Aubrey joked about our sexual difficulties even after I shattered a plate on his skull, and Joal silently cried out for me...

Joal had fancied me since the day I met him. Today, I would see if I could respond to that. Perhaps I was still teasing him, but I think now I wanted to see how I felt for Auron.

I pulled Joal into my room one day. I thanked him for hearing me sing, otherwise I would never have felt so good on stage. He nodded, quiet, he had trouble looking at me. I gripped his face in both hands, his eyes widened a bit, and pressed my lips to his, tracing my fingers down his arms. He welcomed it. I released him.

"Joal...you're getting no more than that. I see how you look at Yuri." He was too shy around girls, but I can read him... "Did you think I was her?" I glared at him until he nodded. "Good, because I was thinking of someone else as well."

"Who?"

"That I'm not about to say. But with Yuri, you want help?"

"No. I will go to her. If you go to the man you think of."

I sighed. "As long as you don't...tell anyone."

He nodded. I left.

-----

I banged on the screen to the dojo. "Auron!" I slid the door open. "Auron, if you're in here, I will find you. Tell me what you meant! I don't care what it is. I'm a strong woman..." I still didn't hear anything. Perhaps he just wasn't there. But he always is.

I went to the back room, and found the staircase I had seen before. I made my way up slowly, trying not to make any noise. _He'd be a fool to think I would leave._

I came to a top door. It opened; Auron stood behind it.

"Auron. Why did you not answer?" I stood at the step beneath him. He backed up and let me into his rooms.

Deep red curtains lined the entrance room. A sole rug covered the floor.

"Were you...meditating?"

"Yes."

"This whole time?"

"I have much to think of, Morgan."

"Then I beg you to tell me what you wished me to think after you kissed me in the back room."

He knelt in the middle of the room. A fire appeared in a knook I hadn't noticed before. I knelt before him.

"Auron...if you do not wish for me to be here-"

"I don't mind." He looked up at me. The fire reflected in his one good eye. All that meditating made him seem...softer as he sat there. I wasn't sure if he was considering what to say, or if he simply took his time saying it. But as the moments passed, the air seemed to settle and the flames flickered. The curtains around us hung still. At times it looked like they were bleeding from the shadows casted by the fire. I would let him speak, although I burned to question him.

Eventually, he deemed a time to be right.

I wish now that I had held my breath a bit longer...because soon I wouldn't be able to breathe.


	4. Crimson visions

okie. thanx to Lamia angel of death for the comment! so, going on, here's the good part! enjoy!

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"I came here nearly seven years ago, Morgan. A man named Jecht bid me to do so..."

He told me of Spira, summoners, aeons, guardians... He told me of the duty of a summoner and his guardians, and how Jecht served Braska. He told me of his foolishness towards Yunalesca and his eventual departure from his world. I knew at the time he spoke to me he left things out, probably those thatwere more important. I felt that from him. Only say what is absolutely necessary for the moment.

But then he told me he was an unsent. That he was dead. And that one day he will be returning to his world to fulfill his duty to his master.

The silence that followed his explanations was excruciating. But, why did he think that he would hurt me?

"Auron... It is my choice now, is it not? You cannot hurt me. You say you have to return, but-"

"Would you really give up your life here to follow me?"

So that was the point, I realized. Did I have it in me to leave my home and join with the man I knew I had come to love? I couldn't imagine it... I didn't want to think of leaving the boys, of leaving my music... At that moment, I did realize that I truly loved him; I would not get in the way of the promises he made to his friends. I would support him, and wait until the day that he had to return. But until that happened...

He knelt forward and took a hand from my lap. "I will not ask anything from you, only that you know what you wish." He let go and stood.

_What a child..._

I grabbed his hand and pulled myself up, pressing my other palm to his cheek and my lips to his. Moments passed and he didn't move. Gradually he responded to me and gripped my arms, kissing me harder until I forgot to breathe and released me.

He stood back. I felt... he didn't know what he wanted. I made my choice. He just needs to accept it. We only looked at each other. I wanted him so badly, just to end his pain, to give him peace... "Auron-"

"You should go."

I paused, nodding slightly, and departed.

-----

The few days that followed were uneventful. I needed an excuse to find him, seeing as he hadn't made an attempt to find me. _We never did have that fight..._

"Auron," I whispered through the curtain. I had let myself in since he didn't respond to knocks at the front door or to his own. My heart pounded. I didn't think I could develop such strong feelings for him over such a short amount of time. But he was the only man that really treated me like a woman.

Suddenly the curtain through which I spoke was pulled back and I found myself staring at his naked chest. _Holy shit_. I had been bent down a bit since I became tired of standing, so my eyes were just on level with his hard body. _Oooh, can I lick you?_

I straightened up slowly, blushing a bit, and smiled. Then bowed quickly.

"Morgan." He sounded tired.

"Pardon my intrusion. Were you... meditating again?"

"I was."

"Oh-"

"You can come in."

_To your room?_ I looked in. The same red curtains were draped against the walls. Against the back wall was a large, plush, red silk sheeted bed. I felt my tongue obtain a mind of its own and brush itself against the tip of my teeth. I bit the corner of my lip. Auron saw me do so and smirked. _Oh crap..._

I stepped forward and the curtain swished into place behind me.

"What did you seek me for?" he said as he sat on the corner of his bed.

_I wanted to jump on you and push you down and rub my hands - Oh shit! SHUT UP and stop being HORNY._ I almost laughed at myself...

"Nothing, in particular. Do you wish for me to leave? I can come back-"

"No. You may stay."

I needed something to say... "Auron, I wish to know: Are you done training me? I do not feel-"

"I never did get you for a last fight, did I?"

_No, because I took you for a drink.. and you kissed me... and then..._

"No."

"Hmm. I apologize. Perhaps later."

I nodded.

"What else did you come here for?"

"I - I want to know about your death."

"Very well. What of it?"

"How - are you immortal then?"

"I am."

"And if you are wounded-"

"It disappears. I feel no pain. Neither physcial nor emotional..." He stood, leaning against a bedpost. "Anything else?"

_So much more._ Shaking my head, "Only you."

He seemed... surprised. Happily surprised.

"Morgan- you are sure?"

"I can only wait until your departure. But I'm not going to let that inevitability stop me."

He smiled slightly. I only wished I knew what he thought as he stood there and admitted to himself what he had feared would happen.

"Very well." He pushed off the post and came to me, pulling me to his chest, just to hold me against him.

Suddenly he had me against the wall, mouth hard on mine. I felt like he wanted to suck the life out of me. And I would let him.

I felt his heart quicken and my back tingle as he gripped my waist. I pressed my hands to his chest, digging my nails in to hold onto him. I slid my arms around to pull him in more. His lips left mine, traveling down my neck to my collarbone. _Come back._ I pushed his head back up and bit his lower lip, flicking it with my tongue. I let go and smiled softly before taking him again for another kiss. _You taste so good..._. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pushed myself against the wall to bolster myself up and rest my legs on his hips. He dug me into the wall again. _Shit, this hurts my back_. I gripped his hair, turning his face up slightly so I could trace my fingers around his jaw line. I dropped my arms against the wall and let him have go. He held onto the bottom of my thighs, rubbing my flesh slowly. _Glad I choose to wear a skirt today._ My legs tingled in anticipation. He pushed his hands up a bit; I tightened my hold on his hips. _You're teasing me._ He had me pinned and all I could do was moan softly as he pressed his head down and brushed his lips across the top of my breasts and down to my nipples through the cloth. He sucked on them and my breath stuck in my throat. He released my breasts and went back to my neck. He freed a hand from my leg and pressed it up my back, fingering the tie. He managed to undo half of it then left it be and brushed my cheek with his palm, kissing me softer. I couldn't stand it. I bit his lip and pushed his hand from my leg, releasing me. I pushed away and had him back against the bedpost. I sucked on his mouth again and traced a finger along his pantsline. He gripped my arms, and pushed me against the post. He pressed himself against me. I felt him harden against my pelvis.

"Morgan."

My breathing had been becoming more labored. I bit my own lip. "What is it?" I breathed out.

He could only smile at me and brush his fingertips against my lips. I bit his hand and smiled up at him like a dumb puppy.

I let go and sat on the bed, pulling him atop of me.


	5. Life

sorry about the last chap... short wasn't it? yea I'm tryin... anyway, this one is my favorite so far...

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When I awoke, I clung to the sheets beneath me, rustled and still moist. I lay on my stomach and curled up into a ball. _Shit._ I was sore between my legs; it had hurt so much. I squeezed my eyes and opened them into the pillow, breathing in his lingering scent. He had promised to be gentle, one little vow that's not easy to keep...

I turned my head to the side and looked down the length of the bed. He sat on the corner, bent over, leaning against the post, still naked. I burned for him again. I turned over to my back, propping myself on my elbows. I tried not to wince as I moved. I pushed myself up, bringing up my legs and held onto myself. The sheet was pressed between my legs and chest. I only looked at Auron's back, the scratch marks already gone from a few hours ago. I buried my head in my knees and felt him shift. I looked up. He had spread his legs open a bit, resting his elbows on them, and his head in his hands. He ran his hands back and forth through his hair, thinking. _Was he... not pleased with himself?_

I pushed myself forward out of the sheet and knelt behind him. Lightly, I reached out and touched his back. I withdrew my hand and simply placed my cheek on him, my arms limp on the bed. He didn't move; I only felt him breathe. I kissed him and wrapped my arms around his stomach, my face buried in his back. He still didn't move. _Auron._ I straightened up, sliding my hands around and up his back, and back around, encircling his shoulders. My breasts pressed against him, I buried my face into his hair and closed my eyes. We were motionless for minutes on end. _Do something._

He shifted against me, turning to his side and leaned his head against my breasts. I still held onto him... _He feels so vulnerable._ He shifted again so his face was against me. I knelt back down and took his face in my hands and kissed him.

"Morgan," he whispered. I brushed a finger across the scar on his eye and kissed him again. He touched my stomach, resting his hand in my lap. I held him as if he were a child.

After a few minutes, he looked up at me and shifted his entire body around, back onto his bed. He scooted from the edge and took me with him. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he kissed me again and pushed me back down. He gripped both my breasts and pushed my legs away with his own, trapping me beneath him. He pushed his pelvis against mine and massaged by breasts. I felt myself wetten and pressed my head back against the sheets. He bit my lip and slid his hands to my hips. I wriggled but he wouldn't let me move. I managed to get a leg up and rub it against his groin. His mouth tore from mine as he pushed himself against my leg. I let it fall and I spread open a bit. He let go of me and gripped the sheets, kissing me passionately again as he became more erect. I pushed his back down and felt myself swell. I barely wanted to breathe. My back arched slightly as he began. I was still sore, but welcomed the pain again...

-----

He lay atop me, holding onto me for dear life. He set his head against my chest as I ran a hand through his hair. _I love his man so much. And I haven't the strength to tell him..._

We rested for another hour or so before he rolled off of me and I got atop to straddle him.

"Morgan," he said beneath me. "You should leave. They might wonder what happened to you."

_The boys. _I hadn't thought of them. I've left for entire nights before, and they never worried. But, when I do return, they may be suspicious...

"You're right." I got off of him and stepped to the floor, gathering my clothing scattered beside the bed. I threw him his pants and dressed silently. Suddenly he was holding onto me from behind, placing his head on my shoulder.

"I care for you, Morgan. I feel... more alive now. Thank you so," he whispered.

I smiled and pulled away, facing him. "I'll return later for the fight. I also suspect to be in another concert soon..." I squeezed his hand and swept through the curtains.

-----

As I approached my home, I noticed the lights were off. _Odd._ Passing through the door, the lights turned on automatically and I saw Aubrey sitting stoically on our sofa against the wall.

"Hey... you. Uh, hi?"

He didn't respond for the moment. "Where were you, Morgan?"

"Hah. As if I haven't been away for hours at a time before, Aubrey. Why?"

"Because," he stood and gave the don't-fuck-with-anyone-but-me smile "I was worried." He came forward and gripped my wrist, bending down a bit. "Mikel told me about your sensei." He let go and glared at me snidely. "Your lover."

I glared back at him. _Why is he so worked up?_ "And what is it to you? You should be pleased. I finally found someone who didn't want to fuck me just for _fun_."

I started going past him to my room. He stopped me. "I never touched you, Morgan." _Shit, you trying to apologize?_

I calmed down my rising heart rate. "I know... Aubrey, then why are you acting like this? Hmm?"

He didn't answer. I approached my room and stopped again. "Where are Mikel and Joal?"

"Out."

"All right."

I decided wandering the city would be best. I left Aubrey in his odd state and took to the stadium.

-----

A day or so later, I decided it was time to return to the dojo. A tall blonde boy who I realized to be Tidus stood outside, apparently waiting. He turned around as he heard me approach and waved.

"I went to your concert, Lady Morgan!"

"Did you? I'm glad to hear that. Are you looking for Sir Auron?"

"I am. I would like for him to give me another chance. I guess he told you about me didn't he?"

"He did." _He told me about your father. You don't know, do you?_ I felt...sorry for him then. He didn't know about the world Auron was from, and was left unknowing about his father. Although it was widely known by that point that Jecht didn't get along well with his son. Jecht was such a good blitzball player but was always so cynical towards his own son. It's no surprise Tidus had tried so hard and has now replaced his father's status here in Zanarkand... But there's only one Jecht.

Suddenly the door slid open and there was Auron, looking at the two of us. He glanced at me, then to Tidus who took a step forward.

"What do you want, Tidus? I have no time for you now. Come back later."

"But Auron -"

"Not now."

Auron beckoned me within. I gave Tidus a sympathy smile and the door slid closed behind me.

I stepped onto the tatami, following Auron in a couple feet.

"Auron." I stopped. I _was_ only here for the fight, but it would be nice to ask him more about his life in Spira.

He spun on his heal and stared at me unexpressionally. "Not now, Morgan. You're here to fight. I hope you've practiced."

He turned back around and grabbed his sword from against the wall. I shouldered my own and took a step forward.

Without words or further delay, we fought...

I defeated him quickly with a blow to the arm. The point was not to injure, only to contact. I wondered if he let me defeat him to get it done and move on. I liked to think that I beat him with my own strength. And while I had initially honestly just wanted to learn to fight, now it seemed like such a distant desire.

But as soon as we were finished, a tap at the shoji screen cut the silence. The shadow behind the door let itself in. Aubrey. He crossed into the room, pulling me by the arm, yelling, "Thanks, but I have to take her now! Gig in five minutes!"

I had forgotten about that... I flicked back a smile at Auron, but hehad turned away.

-----

We played at the same club where I had first spotted Auron in the back. I was surprised that the months had passed so quickly from that moment. It was strange how things had developed. As we played, my mind kept wandering off to the other night. I didn't think it would get so far. But I was happy, and I felt that somehow I had made him pleased. He did thank me. I could only imagine what it would feel like to be dead. How much did he even feel? It seemed like he had felt everything, but maybe he was just feigning it. I didn't want to think that. I wanted to believe that in some way I did heal him, if only minutely. That I had brought him back to life in some sence, that he regained something that was lost to him... I wondered what would happen now. What does he want? He's not the type of person to simply _talk_. He withholds himself. I felt that even the other night. He was never sure when to start. I had to keep coaxing him. And I kept thinking, _with this body, hasn't he been with other women?_ I would have thought so. And maybe he had been in his other world. Perhaps he was slower with me because he loved me? I assured him it was ok; I wanted him. But then, back at the dojo, he looked at me like he wanted nothing to do with me. It hurt. But I supposed that was just his way. He was being profecssional.

The song was over and I was still staring off into the audience, my heart wanting to break from my chest and run to go find Auron. A bloody organ running...funny image. I giggled to myself.

"Morgan." Aubrey brought me back.

"Yea."

He raised an eyebrow. What was with him earlier? Or am I just blind to something?

He started singing again. I let my mind go and concentrated on my music.

-----

When we left the club, the guys went ahead onto a bar or two, getting drunk and getting fucked a few times. I went around the city, studying the lights and buildings. I made it to the central district. So loud. It was one giant metropolis within itself. One huge circular shopping center rising for miles into the air, loud and bright and full with all sorts of people. Sometimes I liked to just blend in with the crowd. It was nice, to be one of many...identical... I didn't think about anything, just read the flashing billboards and signs and advertisements and watched people go by. Occasionally someone would stop and recognize me and have me sign something. Who woulda thought that one concert would have made me so popular. Granted, the clubs were full houses now whenever we played.

I noticed one sign as I went past a food distributor. Several messages passed through a ticker.

ZANARKAND ABES PLAY TOMORROW.

CHEER FOR TIDUS, SON OF JECHT

_Hmm, well, that'll be nice_. I haven't been to a blitzball game in a while. Maybe they'll have a pregame show and we'll perform. If the game is tomorrow, then I probably would have been notified by now if we were going to play. Although one never knows in this city, things happen at strange moments and usually for the better.

-----

When I returned home, the lights were off. I entered to find Mikel fucking one of his many boyfriends on the floor. He didn't bother to say hi... I passed him and went to the counter. There was a message screen. _Whatcha know._ They do want us to perform. Sweet. I tried to block out the noises from the dark floor but gave up and told Mikel the news.

"Yea, hun, uh..." I saw his form stand in the dark. "I know. Isn't that wonderful?"

I nodded and quickly slipped into my room and dug through songs to play.

-----

Hours before the game, Auron appeared in the front room.

"I let him in." Joal murmured to me.

"Oh, thanks," I sighed, looking from one to another.

"May I speak with you?" Auron asked.

"Of course." I put down my guitar which I had been practicing and motioned towards my room.

He shook his head and I followed him out.

We walked for a few minutes, navigating our way through alleys until we came the back way to the dojo. He slid open the screen and let me in before shutting it behind me.

I said nothing as I followed him to the back room and up the stairs to his rooms. He stopped before his fire.

"Jecht will be here."

_What? Jecht? Coming here? _"What? How- how do you know?"

"I can feel him coming."

I felt myself sway slightly; a wave of nausea swept past in a second's flash and was gone. "Oh. Well, then that means you'll be returning? Wait... how exactly will you be returning?"

"He'll come get me. And Tidus. And we will return to Spira."

He looked at me. The fire reflected in his eye, bringing out a sorrow I had never noticed before.

Things do happen at the most inopportune moments, and this time, I didn't know how it could be for the better.


	6. Water

I know there's a time messup.. I said 7 yrs in chap 4... well... I got lazy and I don't want to write more 3 yrs worth of story... so, sorry bout that... just ignore it. pretend he got here 9 yrs ago... or something... it's not a big deal anyway. um, so enjoy! I wrote it instead of studying for ap's... so you better like it. please...

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I averted my eyes and gazed at the fire, watching the flames. The room felt cold suddenly. Freezing... The fire swayed slowly, each flame licking at the mantle individually. _Jecht will be coming to get you_. And Tidus. Why? Why does Jecht... I could barely think. I hardly understood what Auron had told me the day he explained his world, but I never questioned him, because he seemed like he never wanted to explain it again. Jecht was Sin, I knew that. I knew how aeons worked, how the guardian binds... But it was all too sudden that I met Auron and now he must leave. I remembered chasing after him that night in front of the club, how we came to be friends, lovers.

"Morgan... I gave you the choice."

"Dammit, I know you did." I glared at him know. I wasn't angry at him, I was frustrated at myself. It was my own fault I felt like this. But there was no use now to dwell on my mistake... "You told me you would have to return. That...you made a promise to Jecht."

"That I would bring him his son."

"But why?"

"That is his business."

I sighed. "And to Braska... you promised-"

"That I would be his daughter's guardian."

Well, how could I dispute that? He promised his friends, and I told him that I respected that, and I wouldn't care, I wouldn't fight him, I would let him go his way and I would not be hurt. How could I deceive myself? I just thought I would have had more time to come to that realization.

Apparently, Jecht thought not.

But now what? What would happen to me? Anything? Auron would go and I would stay here to live out my life with my friends and my music... I promised myself that I would not leave them, that I would not leave this city just for one man. I could always find another. Right? But I did love him, and I refused to give that up. So where was I to go? Could I even go with him if I chose? And he, an unsent, when would he be sent? When will he decide that his time is up, if ever? Would he forget about me and go on?

I was giving myself a headache. I collapsed on the floor, legs under me, and stared into the fire at my side.

He's been here for 9 or so years, 10 I suppose, and I didn't find him until a few months ago. Why couldn't this have started years ago, and we would have had more time. Rushed relationship this is, if I could even call it that.

"Morgan," he sat in front of me, "I planned on taking you to the performance next week."

I smiled softly. "Well, that would have been nice. I might still go... Are there performances in Spira?"

The air stiffened again. "...Yes."

"Hmm. I hope I can see one one day."

If it was even possible.

"Perhaps. You should go. The game will be starting." _Did he have to bring me back to reality?_

Suddenly the tears came. I didn't want the game to start. Because that meant that Jecht would have to come eventually. I didn't want anything to happen... Well, could you blame me for being childish?

I sobbed into my sleeve. Moments passed and all he could do was sit stoically, watching me, feeling guilty. Then he pulled me to him and I wrapped my arms about his neck, crying into his overcoat. I bit my lip and stifled the tears; I felt I was about to choke.

He pushed me away and took my head in his palms, wiping my cheeks. He snickered, smiling, "You are a fool." He kissed me softly, once, and let go, standing.

He reached down and pulled me up. "Go," he muttered.

"And you?"

"I'll be there. Morgan, don't think of me while you're on stage. Just concentrate."

I nodded and tried to smile at him. Then I broke myself away, feeling like an infant pulled from the one love...

On my way to the dome, I tried to empty my mind, to eliminate everything. But I kept seeing him in the back of my head. He had known all along what would happen, and he tried to warn me. Must I have been so stubborn? My curiosity to make his acquaintance had become more, and I blinded myself to the inevitable. Now I refused to know that I may not see him again. _Dammit..._ Why did this all have to happen...

I felt dirty.

I felt... used.

But perhaps this was only my mind trying to make up excuses and push off the blame.

I gave in too freely. Why didn't he stop me if he knew what would happen? Did he use me..?

Perhaps... but I felt... pleased that I was able to help him somehow. If it made him feel alive again, then that was good...

"He's Jecht's blood, and the new hope of blitzball! What kind of super play will he show us today?"

"Will we see his father's legendary shot? I don't think I'm the only one excited here, folks!"

_The announcer. How slow have I been walking?_ I started to run towards the stadium.

Already the crowds had gathered, trying to squeeze in to get the last seats. I pushed through, telling the guard I was in the band to play. I thanked him and looked behind me. I saw Tidus' blond head coming up to the crowd. _Not as late as I thought_. I ran through a corridor, until I came to the room beneath the stadium where we had waited before. The guys were already there. Aubrey came up to me.

"Morgan! We thought you'd never show up! Hey... you, uh, you ok?" He brushed me cheek. I pulled back.

"Yea.. What would make you think-"

"Your eyes."

"Oh. No, I'm ok."

Of course I wasn't. And I felt horrible hiding everything from these three for this whole time. I hoped I would get a chance to tell them everything. But now, I had to push it back, and concentrate.

"Well, then. We're up."

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Go now, if you want it  
An otherworld awaits you  
Don't you give up on it  
You bite the hand that feeds you

All alone, cold fields you wander  
Memories of it cloud your sight  
Fills your dreams, disturbs your slumber  
Lost your way a fallen knight...

We were to the side the massive watery globe. The dome opened up top and the crowds continued to pour in like mice attracted to a scrap of food. I tried to play without thinking of anything else, just stare at the globe as it filled up. It seemed to go so slowly as the crowds applauded. Tidus appeared up top; I could barely see him. The crowd was going nuts but I was nearly deaf and blind from the thoughts I tried to suppress.

Then it was filled and I watched as Tidus jumped in.

It was really something how all that water stayed perfectly round. Was there any air? How did the players breathe?...

A few minutes into the game Tidus knocked a player out and he went flying into the audience.

Then I felt something. I felt...dread. Something was happening. I felt it in my heart. I thought I felt the floor beneath me shake. We had stopped playing and my brothers watched the game progress. The air shook and settled like a blanket thrown over a corpse.

By breath stuck a moment and I looked around the stadium. No one seemed to feel the same thing. Everyone was entranced with the game. I glanced at my brothers, feeling that I would not again see them. I shut my eyes and turned away and started down the aisle, running with my guitar banging against my back.

I felt the floor shake. I didn't look back into the stadium as I broke out into the night air. Something was happening.

A huge ball of water had been growing from the sea. In the distance, even above the crowd's incessant cheering, I heard screams. I looked out across the water towards the center of the city. _It keeps growing_.

I didn't think. I couldn't. There wasn't time.

But why? Why was this happening? Nothing ever happened in Zanarkand. Nothing. Was this Jecht? It had to be. What else could cause it? But if it kept growing it was sure to destroy the city.

Why would Jecht want to destroy Zanarkand?

_Shut up head!_

I ran, holding onto my strap, I ran around the stadium. I kept running only to look back once and see the sphere begin to suck up the city. What was happening?

I made it out to the bridge. There wasn't anywhere else to go. This was it. This would only lead me to the other edge of the city, and then water. I decided to keep going and try to make it to the edge.

The entire city began to tremble. My heart pounded in my chest, trying to break free but there was no way to escape what was about to happen. I stopped again and watched the sphere grow beyond the dome. Small lights began to appear. Suddenly, these-_things_- shot out. I burst of water sliced through the city, the dome, above me and in the next moment, everything began to crumble.

Everything.

The bridge I had been on collapsed and the towers above me shattered, raining glass and metal. I saw the outside of the dome and all its magnificent statues swept away before something knocked me unconscious.

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_What is this? I feel...cold. It's dark. It's so dark... No feeling, no senses...nothing. There's nothing..._

_I feel like I'm floating... Liquid? No...it's nothing... Air? Not even that... Am I even... breathing?... No. Can I speak? No... I can't move._

_It's so cold...It's too dark... I don't like it this dark... Where are the lights?...Where is..._

_I don't remember anything...Where am I supposed to be?_

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_"Where'd you find her?"_

_"Sea. Right out there."_

_"Floating?"_

_"On the sand..."_

_"Wonder where she'd from."_

_"Not around here, I can tell ya that."_

_"The clothing."_

_"Yea...and this thing."_

_"What was it?"_

_"An instrument. Probably coulda choked her."_

_"Probably."_

_"Hope she wakes up."_

_"Tell us where she's from. It's odd to find a body floating along the Mi'ihen."_


	7. Light

okie. chapter 7! ...i really should be doing my homework... O WELL. :) enjoy!

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My head hurt. I cringed. I remembered hearing voices earlier although I couldn't make out their mutterings. Did someone find me?

Gradually I recovered my senses. Slowly... Very slowly.

My fingers tingled and they felt numb. I tried to move them, I tried to remember _how_ to move them. I felt something soft beneath me.

Sheets.

_Auron's?_ No. Too rough. Then... it was certainly fabric, but whose?

My mind throbbed. I wanted it to stop. _Stop_.

I tried to move. Open my eyes. They wouldn't. But I felt light. I felt light coming from somewhere.

I almost believed that my muscles had atrophied. But I managed to regain control of my hands and grip the sheets beneath me.

_"Hey! Look 'ere. She's movin'"_

That same voice from earlier.

"_That's something."_

I felt a hand take mine.

_"Ey. Ey. You awake?"_

Suddenly I could squeeze my eyes and open them.

I stared up at a cloth ceiling, wood... it was all white. Someone's home. But... this, this is different.

"I'm glad you're finally awake," a woman said beside me. "My husband found you floating in the water along the Mi'ihen Highroad.

_The what what-road?_

"Please. Rest a bit longer. I'll bring you something to eat."

I closed my eyes again. I wasn't ready to see their faces.

Then...I slept.

-----

I awoke to the woman bringing in a platter and setting it on a table beside me. By this time, I was able to move and I opened my eyes again, sitting up slowly.

It was a modest home. White.

But nothing was white in Zanarkand.

_This isn't Zanarkand_, my mind kept telling me. _You're in Spira now._

And if I was? Then my fears had come to pass and there was possibly nothing I could do to reverse what had happened to me.

I swung my legs off the bed and slowly stood, breaking a smile at the woman who watched me get up. She was young, perhaps just a little older than myself, in...odd...clothing. Bows and belts and strips of cloth. Then her husband came into the room through a curtain. He was about the same age...

"You're up! Thank Yevon. I was sure you'd be dead."

_Who?_

I stretched and sat back on the bed.

He and his wife took seats across from me on small stools.

"Thank you... for this." I sighed. "Might I ask, where am I?"

"Off the Mi'ihen. Found you in the water," the husband answered. "Do you-remember anything? You had a horrible head wound that my wife wrapped up."

I touched my forehead to feel a massive bandage around my skull.

"Oh.. Yes. Mm, my name. My name's Morgan."

"Morgan. Right then, do you know where you're from?"

"Zanarkand."

Perhaps I should not have said that. That looked at me oddly, like that bump on the head might have taken a piece of my brain with it.

"Zanarkand?" The wife repeated. "Zanarkand is gone. Perhaps Gagazet?"

_What?_

"Why would she be from Gagazet? Only Ronsos are up there."

_Ronso, Mi'ihen...Yevon? I needed to get out of here._

"Um, excuse me." They stopped trying to figure out where I was from and gave their attention back to me. "But do either of you know a man named Auron?"

They were again silent a moment before the man answered. "Yes. Sir Auron. A guardian to the Lord Braska ten years ago. He disappeared shortly after the pilgrimage... Why do you ask?"

"I wish to know if anyone has seen him."

"If he returns, all of Spira will know."

Spira.

I stood and bowed, thanking them for their hospitality.

"I must leave, please excuse me."

"Oh, well, if you must...then please, have this." She handed me a bottled drink. "Thank you. Oh! My guitar, is it... was it on me?"

The man nodded. I followed him out into the main portion of the home. From a corer he handed me the smashed up bits of the instrument and the strap. He then found me a cloth bag. "If you wish?"

I nodded, put everything inside, and the drink and again bowed, departing.

-----

It's all so _green_. And _bright_. I wandered up a path, for the couple lived in this odd sunken area, past a high bridge and eventually coming up from the area. There was a large gate, and guards.

I needed to find Auron.

I need to know what happened.

Somehow Jecht took me as well.

But why?

I approached a guard, bowing, and he a bow in return with this little hand trick gesture thing... I asked if he knew Auron. He gave the same reply as the couple, I thanked him and turned around, slowly heading down this northern part of the Highroad.

As I walked, I slowly undid the head bandage, seeing the dry blood unravel itself in the cloth. My head ached as I undid it.

I stuffed the bandage in the bag and let my skin breathe. I should find water somewhere to wipe off the remnants of blood. I wiped it with my sleeve. Good enough.

The road kept going and going... Where was this going?

Occasionally I saw someone riding a gigantic yellow ...creature that would squawk at me as it passed. I kept going. There were remnants of ruins everywhere. I wondered then where it was that Auron was from. I don't believe he ever told me that...

Eventually I came to the southern end of the road and stopped momentarily, looking around. Off in the distance to my left I saw a figure standing alone, looking out at something.

Of course my heart stopped when I thought it might be Auron. I had to see.

I went off the path, through the vegetation and rocks and ruins. The figure never seemed to be getting any larger although I could tell that it was red.

The sun had begun to set as I walked and in the distance the water glistened. Gradually buildings and homes and towers came into view off to the right. And then the figure turned into Auron with his sword in the ground beside him.

He heard me and turned. He could only stare at me blankly, stoically as ever. He frowned. "Morgan," he breathed.

My eyes swelled seeing him standing there. I stopped and bowed, smiling.

"So this is Spira?" I choked back my tears as I kept smiling at him.

"Yes." He took a step forward, a breeze catching his robe tails. "You were not meant to come here, Morgan. I didn't want you to come."

"Did you ever want me to come to you? Did you _ever_ want me to be with you? _You should go, Morgan. Go. You should leave_." I could feel myself getting angry again. Angry at myself. Angry at him. "I listened to you, but I was also stubborn. That's why I'm here know isn't it? Because Jecht brought me? Because I was stead-fast in my love for you that even Jecht felt it and knew that you needed me? Is Zanarkand really gone, Auron? That's what the couple said. They said Zanarkand was _gone_! Why would Jecht want to destroy his own home?" I screamed at him then.

"Morgan. You're from a different Zanarkand. The one that was destroyed was destroyed 1,000 years ago. I'm sorry." He came up to me and tried to grab my arm; I backed up a step.

"_What?_ Zanarkand isn't part of Spira then? Because it would make sense if we were just secluded and barred off from the rest of the world," I felt rising hysterics break though my voice. "Then what? What haven't you told me!"

"Your world is a dream, Morgan." His voice softened, trying to soothe me. "It is a creation of dead souls for others that cannot yet rest."

Then the world simply crashed. I felt a glass break in my mind, shattering bits and pieces and shards throughout my brain, ripping it to shreds and leaving a little bloody mess behind to get sucked down some drain. I stared at him, mouth open ready to say something else but words wouldn't flow. I only cocked my head a bit, gazing around me, watching the water.

"So," I managed to calm myself; I muttered, "I -am a dream?"

He nodded.

I shut my eyes and slowly strode past him to the cliff edge, looking out at the light settling into the water. I looked out at the city to its side. It was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as Zanarkand.

I faced him. "Why did you not tell me sooner?"

"There was no reason. I never expected that you would be here."

"And what if I had remained?"

"Then it would have been up to Jecht."

"And...what of Tidus?" ..._Why could I care?_

"He will be here in a few days... Morgan, do you believe me?"

I sighed. "I have no reason not to. It's just...it doesn't seem _real_." I collapsed into the grass, staring at a little insect making its way up my pants. I brushed it off, glancing up at Auron, staring down at me from behind his collar.

He smirked.

"What do you find so amusing?"

"Tidus when I tell him the same thing."

"You are horrible, Auron. You find it amusing that you need to ruin another person's life?"

"There is little to amuse me anymore, Morgan."

Why was it that my anger had aroused so quickly but was so easily subdued? I suppose I simply resolved myself to the situation because I had the sense to understand that there was no going back. And I asked him this.

"No. Although again, it is Jecht's choice. If he were to attack and if you were to... die... I suppose you would go back. But, that is doubtful."

He sat down across from me.

"What now?" I managed to murmur.

"I wait. As for you... I- am not sure."

"I shock myself, Auron, to think that I love you."

He smirked again and lay back in the grass.

I turned my head to watch the waters ripple and crash against the rocks below, ships coming into the city's ports, and people scurrying to unload the cargo. They seemed so comfortable with their lives as I was in Zanarkand. It would take me a while to believe that my brothers were somewhere else and I had no way of seeing them again. Although, the feeling crept up on me that I would again one day. Should Jecht allow it, of course... _Damn you , Jecht..._


	8. Pain

chapter 8. it's winding down a bit more. maybe one more chapter after this...

a friend of mine lost my FFX game recently.

I bet you know how pissed I am about that.

I lost auron! TT

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Eventually he led me into Luca, as the city was called. I was astounded at its complexity. It felt like Zanarkand, but yet completely different. Zanarkand was dark and there were clubs and neon lights and screaming and laughter. Luca... it was so pale in comparison. It smelled of the sea and cargo. But like Zanarkand, people just mulled about enjoying themselves.

Auron gripped my wrist for a moment leading me down a flight of steps, "Come on," he commanded gruffly. Before I had a chance to look more, he swiftly took me into a bar and asked for a room. The woman behind the bar gazed at him oddly, and at me, and then realization dawned.

"You're Sir-"

"A key, woman! Please!" He slammed his hand before her.

She grimaced slightly and he tried to turn away from the piercing stares as she pushed a key towards him. He ripped it from her hand and took me towards the back of the bar into a hallway and quickly found the room.

He beckoned me in and shut the door behind him. He threw the key on a small side table and lay his sword against the wall.

I slung off my bag to the floor and leaned against the door, looking around the room and watching him settle into a chair across from the bed. He stripped himself of the overcoat, throwing it on the bed.

I watched him lean his head back and relax.

A few moments later I muttered, "Auron, I am sorry for my outburst before."

"Don't apologize, Morgan."

"But I was-"

"Morgan."

That was that. I collapsed onto the floor and wept into my palm. What else could I do? My home was gone, rather it never really was. My brothers were.. somewhere. They are in someone's dream.

I could feel him glaring at me from his chair so I swiftly dried my face and looked at him from across the room.

"I am the one who should be sorry, Morgan," he muttered. "I should not have accepted you-"

"Don't say that!" I leaped up. I felt like a kid again. I felt needy. "Neither of us are to blame, Auron. I didn't listen to you so I ended up here. Fine. It's a beautiful land. I'll enjoy it... I'm sure I'll see them again one day."

He gazed at me a moment longer before nodding and leaning back again. I again sat on the floor...and slept.

-----

We stayed in that room for another day or so. I rested in the bed and he in the chair. He didn't touch me at all. He was careful not even to brush my side when he went out the door for a drink. However, he would bring me something to eat and water or sake and he volunteered stories from his first pilgrimage with Braska. Then he would grow stoic again and softly beat his fist on the armrest of the cushioned chair.

I did not know yet when he would leave; I wouldn't put it past him not to tell me.

Nearing dusk, as I would learn later was the night before he departed, he came back into the room from a walk and stripped from his overcoat and brestplate. He settled into his chair and a moment later I asked, "You are waiting for Tidus then? Or Yuna?"

"Both."

I don't know who he knew that they would both conveniently be here, or how Tidus would meet her, but maybe that's a power of an unsent.

"You don't care that I'm dead?" he muttered, as if he read my thoughts. Can he do that?

I was sitting on the bed across from him and leaned against one of the bedposts. "No, because it doesn't seem like you are. I didn't know you when you lived, so it doesn't matter to me..."

He sighed, "I assure you would have liked the living, younger me better."

"I doubt that somehow. Of what you've told me, you were an arrogant, foolish, bitter man who would destroy anything for those he loved."

"And you wouldn't want me to do that for you?"

I didn't speak for a moment as his words settled. "No... I wouldn't. Because I think I could take care of myself."

"Perhaps."

I began to get off the bed when he asked me another question, then I sat back down. "Where did you wake up?"

"Mi-mi-hen? Mi-," what was it?

"The Mi'ihen Highroad. Who found you?"

"A couple... Did you know where to find me?"

"I told Jecht to try and drop us together. Didn't think you'd go too far away. Good thing you didn't run into any fiends."

"Do you honestly think I couldn't fight?" I pouted.

"You have no weapon."

"I did notice that, thank you." I got off the bed a few minutes later after he turned away from me and settled on the floor beside the chair and took his hand in mine.

"I doubt you'd allow me to come with you," I muttered.

"I don't know how'd useful you'd be." _Useful? I'd be plently _useful _if I had a damn weapon._ "Well I do know how to dress wounds," I said instead.

"Do you?"

I sneered and leaned my head agains the chair. "... I'll need to find work here."

He wasn't ignoring me, I just don't think he knew what else to do with me or say. Naturally, I did feel like it was my own fault winding up here, but that's all now in the past. I had to focus on the day... or night... whatever it was outside.

I was getting tired of his nonresponsiveness. I knelt up and reached to take his face in my palm, turning him towards me. I bent towards him a bit over the armrest and lightly brushed my lips on his. What had happened to the passion he gave me only a few days ago?

"Do you love me?" I whispered into him. _Could you?_ I pulled back a bit, leaving just an inch or so between us.

He looked at me a moment, as if think of what to say, but he simply responded with a kiss. It was like he was trying to make things better even though deep down I knew that he felt there would be no point in loving me because eventually he would knew he had to just... disappear.

He gripped my wrist and pulled me up. I climbed over and managed to kneel, straddling him in the cushions. I took his face and gave him a deep bruising kiss and again wanted to suck out all the pain and anguish and sorrow. Then maybe he'd return to how he was those days ago. But he now had to be serious and be a guardian and leave me. His arms dangled over the sides of the chair as I tried to press myself deeper into the cushions and into him. I refused to let him breathe; I felt like I could die by suffocating and I wouldn't mind. But then I would become an unsent I suppose... _Am I not one already?_ I didn't know.

But I did break loose and pressed my lips to his forehead and held onto him, pressing my head atop his.

He kissed my throat and lightly held my sides. But he pushed me away and simply looked at me. "Morgan."

I scooted off of him and stood. A moment later he stood as well and returned the kiss, deep and releasing his frustration with Spira into my lips. He dug his fingers into my arms and ran his hands down to my own, pushing against me and back towards the bedpost.

He released all his pain and his memories into my body and I would hold onto them and I would keep them. I wanted the remnant of life he did have to be easier to bare. His pent up anger and hatred of what had happened to his friends...I felt them all as he had me. The fear and loathing were all discarded...

I could only hope that his second time as a guardian would treat him better.


	9. Flying

Finally got around to updating again…

I think this is prolly gonna be the last chapter. unless of course I decide to do an epilogue…

I must say, I apologize for how short this is... frankly, I just wanted to end this fic already.

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I awoke later that night to find myself alone in the bed. I turned over to my back and glanced down to see him in the chair with just his pants on. The dim moonlight refracted though the window, shimmering dully on his blade. I crawled out, dropping the sheet that had covered me slightly and took to his side. He looked away out the window as I sat on the armrest and ran my fingers through his hair.

"Auron," I whispered. I pulled his head to my chest and took his hand, entwining his fingers in my own. He kissed my breast and pulled away, standing up, and turning back to face me. I stood as well.

"Morgan…." He didn't know what to say. He had never simply stayed beside me while I slept. He always got up…

"Auron. Do you wish to take a walk?"

"No."

"Do you love me?"

He didn't answer for a few moments. He just searched for my eyes in the darkness. "You needn't ask me that, Morgan." He reached out his hand and took my own, pulling me forward.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I must leave in a bit, Morgan. To prepare."

I nodded and smiled up at him. "Of course. I dare not delay you…"

He kissed my forehead and pulled away again. "You should sleep a bit more."

"I'm not tired. Can we not just talk, Auron?"

"Of what? The future? That's pointless."

"No. No, just.. anything. Tell what you were like growing up, in the temple, whatever."

He shook his head. "It's not important. And I've told you everything about being a guardian."

"… Fine then. Very well." I stepped around the bed and gathered my clothes, dressing. "Then we are going for a walk whether you want to or not. It'll give us something to do." I took his hand, dragging him out of the room.

"You won't even let me dress?"

"Of course not. Come." His hand gripped tightly to mine as he followed me outdoors and out of Luca. We went off a side path through the foliage, careful not to wake any fiends and to hide from the nocturnal ones. After a few minutes of silence, I asked, "So tell me. How do you think this pilgrimage will go?"

"Better."

"Really? How? It always ends the same, as you've said."

"Yes. But Yuna is a strong girl. And the boy, Tidus, he will not let her die so easily."

"How do you know?"

"It's an advantage that he's not of this world, Morgan. His father is the enemy, and he'll find some way to stop him."

"You sound assured."

"I am."

"Well," I stopped and gazed out at the massive plain. "That's good. And when you are done guarding her - "

"I will go."

"And I can visit you?"

"By way of the Farplane, yes."

"Hmm. Then I shall." I was trying to think of a way that I could see him again after tonight. I wasn't about to ask if I could be a guardian. I have no experience. But perhaps if I traveled Spira by myself, I could bump into their group. Then, as if he could read my mind -

"Don't bother to try and find us, Morgan. Stay here in Luca and find work. You won't be able to go back home, so you might as well try to find a living here."

I turned around to him and dropped his hand. I nodded. "I will," I said, smiling. I looked beyond him, seeing a lone chocobo wandering in the night. Odd. Auron smiled at me, leaning backwards until he collapsed into the grass. Staring down at him, I smirked. "You seem happy about something?"

"I feel I'm going crazy."

"Why is this?"

"Honestly, why do you think? I did this once, I have no desire to do it again. I'm only keeping a promise to a friend."

Kneeling next to him, I nodded. "And so you do, Sir Auron."

Hours passed until we stood up silently and he nodded at me. The light had come and so, too, would the pilgrims soon. He left me along the path as he passed back down into Luca where he would meet the summoner and the son of Jecht.

I stayed in the grass, even after I heard in the distance the scream of fiends being cut down, I lay there. I didn't know what to do next. It would have been easier if I could have joined as a guardian, but what good would I do them? I had no great skills.

Thus I found a back way into the city so the summoner and her guardians would not see me. More so was the fact that I feared seeing him again before I was supposed to.

Slipping back into the inn from where I had come, I heard the keeper and the other patrons speak of Sir Auron, whom no one had seen for 10 years. I took to the room, gathering what little I had, and decided to make my own journey through Spira. I wanted to see everything, even if I had to do it independently from Auron and against his advice. I would do something, I had to. I refused to linger in the city, absorbing gossip. I boarded a passage to an island and so began my next life in Spira, although never forgetting what he had taught me as my sensei back in Zanarkand.

-----

"Lady Yuna!"

She and her guardians were slowly strolling around the center of the city. She had just given her final speech and seemed ready to retire.

I bowed as she turned towards me, the others eyeing me strangely.

"Yes?"

"Miss Yuna, if I may speak with you a moment."

"Of course." She nodded back at her comrades and took me aside near a bench.

"How may I help you?"

"A very small thing.. I knew Sir Auron when he was in Zanarkand. I came here the same time as Tidus," her eyes widened slightly. "Did you discover anything more about Zanarkand or if it is possible to return there."

She sighed, shaking her head. "No. The fayth have gone to sleep and, well, if you are who you say you are, then I do not understand why you are not in the Farplane. You should rest. You should go there. And tell Tidus I say hello."

I wasn't surprised, although I was a little shocked as to why I didn't.. disappear, I suppose. I bowed a thank you and took my leave.

-----

Diving off the edge, shattering into pyreflies, I disappeared. As do all the dead when they are sent. Though I needn't be sent. The energy from the Farplane was enough to destroy me. Auron walked in the distance with Jecht, and I flew off to greet them.


End file.
